What is the definition of speaking actually? Let me quote from Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
By definition, speaking is a way we express our feelings and thoughts. Well, there are a lot of people who know how to talk but not how to speak. Why do I say this. I think it is the same things as Hearing and Listening. People often talk a lot and when they really do speak, they are trying to express something.
For example. When we are out on a casual date with our friends and family, we talk about so much. We talk about family, love and everything. But during those conversations, when we are expressing our thoughts, we are speaking.
Many people, when they start to speak, it is out of their sub-conscious minds. They always say things that are mean and hurtful, but that is what they truly feels in their heart. When we speak, we have to be utterly careful. Because, when we speak something out loud, we are expressing what we feel deep inside. Sometimes we don't even know what we are talking about. After working 6 months of the Insurance industry, it actually helped me to improve the way I speak.
Before this, I often speak out things that I think is right and I don't really give a shit of what people would think. But this way of speaking, it actually hurts people and when they are hurt, they say that my attitude and personality got problem. So I've come out of a few ways that can help in speaking.
1. THINK OF WHAT YOU WANT TO SPEAK
When we though things through, it lowers the risk of making a mistake that will haunt you for your life. For example, I always noticed this myself. When have a thought, well, thoughts usually pops right out of my mind. Then I usually will be like spit everything out. I'm sorry lah cuz I am that type of person. Being said that, I actually do tend to offend people. I was like saying things that I should not have. There's one time it got so bad, people started hating me for it. Since then, I've been thinking a lot of what I have to say. It will look damn bad if I started spitting out bad stuff in front of my clients. Yes, my friend may or may not know this is how I am, but my clients. They definitely don't know that I am such a straightforward person. So they might feel offended and the consequences is on me.
So I urge you people to think before you speak out anything. Whether it is consciously or sub-consciously, when you hurt someone, it is never going to be the same anymore.
2. SPEAK AT THE RIGHT TIME
Well, in the exact words that I want to say is speak at the suitable time. Sometimes, things just pops into our minds and we don't even know it. No matter where you are or what you are doing. So we do tend to speak at the wrong timing. Many people don't notice this, but I rarely speak during a meeting. But when I do, it is really something really hurtful or something that people will not think of and not treat it as a problem. Only after the thing happened, they will be regretful of not listening to me.
As many of you guys have known from either this blog, my facebook or my twitter or my instagram, I joined in a choir at my final semester in uni. Well, things happened. I was always being the clown in the group and I always joked around a lot. At least with my tenor mates. And being a section leader, people have a perception of that I have to be serious at right time and be careful of what I speak. So the story goes like this. One fine day, I was texted by someone telling me that I was being rude. No matter how I thought about it, I don't know when I offended anyone. I am being fair and nice to everyone in the group and I was being called rude? Like seriously?
That's not the point here. Hahahahahahahaha. So, the point is, maybe people have this mindset that I have to be serious all the time. But too bad I'm not. I do tend to speak and joke around all the time. My main point is that, being a clown have its timing. When it is time to be serious, you speak about serious stuff and not to joke around. When we are resting, then we can act whatever or however we want.
3. SPEAK AT THE RIGHT SITUATION
Well, some of us, we can't really read the situation. Again, things may just shoot out of our mouths even without us noticing it. It is really bad actually. In some situation when you are really close with your bunch of friends, we can actually say mean stuff to each other. We can joke around and just apologize later on. But when you are in a different situation, please do try to mind of what you speak. It is like when you speak, try to be very mindful of who is at your surroundings.
I am not really sure how to put this but please, if you don't understand, please do ask. Ok. A gang of friends they often shoot each other about mean stuff. That is ok. But when one of the friend in the gang and you being together with another guy who is not in the gang, you are speaking mean stuff, that is not ok. What might people think of you? What might that person feels? Yes. You are close to each other and you don't mind tearing off each other. At the end of the day, you will still be friends. But the outside is not. You may leave a bad impression on the outsider toward your friend.
Just be extra careful when you speak.
So at the end of the day, we talked about these 3 things. Speaking is an Art that non of us could master. Even till the day we die. But no matter what, what you speak is what you feel. When you already offended someone, that is already too late. Like how the chinese says, you leave a thick needle in their heart and it takes time to recover. So be extra careful of what you think and what you speak. Once the words came out of your mouth, you can't take it back in. Yeah... hahahahahaha...
That's all for now.
Signing off,
YiXin Ching
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