New Year, New Resolution, New Problems

It's a whole new year. So many things had passed. So many things had yet to come. I am being really terrified now as I may have the possibility of failing the subject. Yeah. You heard me correctly. FAILING!!

I am an odd perfectionist. I do not tend to be perfect in some part of my life but in other part, Yes I DO tend to be perfect. As of now, I am writing a report. That report had full of holes that are waiting for me to close it up. I am tired of doing this now. I am really mentally tired of doing all of these. I don't feel like I wanna continue on it anymore. But I would not run away.

Running away is an act of a coward. I am not a coward. I was brave enough to be facing the whole thing with the minimal help that people are willing to give me. I was so terrified of all the problems. I could not feel relax even for a moment. Now doing the reports makes me think of so many things. Like, will I fail? Will my CGPA be dropping? Will I make the same mistakes that I have made? Will the world be helping me?

Being in a new year, I do feel that some of the friendship that I've made for the past couple of months have been useless. So of my friends they could not even help me. They would just ask to know what is your problems and they will just laugh at you at your backs. Some of my friends, I do really thank them for being by my side when things get worse. I would like to find someone to talk about ALL my dilemma and what I am terrified of now but I just don't wanna disturb them anymore with all my personal things.

I was really naive of thinking that I was being truthful with them. Are they being truthful to me? So now am I expecting the same treatment in return? If somehow my best of friends do see this, I really don't wanna trouble you with my sorrowfulness and negativity. It is really bad for me to be in this and it will be worse to be making you worried for me.

So yeah. My new resolution. I hope that in the year of 2015 I will be a better friend. To be better in helping them, to be great in my paperwork. To be the best in all my assignments that I possible could. To not run away from problems. To not think too much. To not be overwhelmed by things. To be brave and face my fears. To be honest with my friends. To be knowledgeable in all the things that I was supposed to know.

My resolution. My problems. Hope it will be achieved and hope my problems will be settled and faced.

Cheerios,
YiXin