-NoTitle-

Well, well, well. It's been so so so so so so so long since I've been able to update one post. I had a few drafts that was 70% done but I could not bring myself up to publish those posts. Some of them was a part of me that I would not want to remember. But, since I have been doing this, I literally can't choose what I wanted to post or what I wanted to write.

So, today's post will be named "-NoTitle-". The reason why I named this post like this is that for every single time I tried to name a post, I just can't do it. My mind will be just blank and nothing pops out of it. Well, there are a few reasons why I am doing this post when there are nothing special to be told. First, a few days ago, I was being with some friends that I have grown very attached to for the past days. It was, how should I put it, enjoyable and fun at the same time. Well, they treated me well and I was now in a stage of loneliness and needed something to get rid of in my mind.

I am a person who always thinks a lot no matter what. When something good happens, I would over-think a lot of stuff. When something bad happens, I would also over-think a lot of stuff. I am a person who, well, some of my Chinese friends says:"想太多“。 Maybe they were right. Maybe I really am thinking too much. Yeah. I wrote this post so that I can reminiscence what happened a few days back for it was so heavenly and after this, it would be the time for me to put it all aside.

Not only that, why I would write this post, also, is because that there are so many things that happened during 2015. I seriously does think that 2015 is a fun and sad year at the same time. If you guys followed what I wrote in a past few posts, I had written about how I was so happy being with a group of friends, always happy. But then, something happened during this whole year and I felt that we were never close again. I am thinking that I am childish to be posting my personal problems and knowing that no one would be interested to read whatever I am writing now. Well, suck it up~ I need a place for me to express my feelings. I need someone not biological to accept whatever that I am having now without any complains. So blogging it is.

Friends, as I've said, was the best things that ever happened to me. It was hard to be very close to some friend and the next second, they just seem to forget you or ignore you or what-so-ever. I tried not to think too much by indulging myself with all the work that was given to me and all the things that I needed to do. But now, I am in my holidays and there are no school work to be done. I had nothing that I could indulge on.

I wanted so badly to be with them again but that just seems to be a dream. A dream that I would rather not wake up from. Dream is a place where everything just seem so perfect and so wonderful. In real life, everything is so much different from my dreams. Someone in a small corner of the world would read this and sympathise me. Like the song "The Beatles" Sang. All you need is love. Love always does not come naturally. I have love. My family loves me, my friend loves me but what I needed now is someone who can care for me.

It is rather random for me to be writing this but everyone does feels lonely. I do. I am always feeling lonely and wanting something to be distracted from. I hated that feeling of being alone. I hated being alone. Being alone, sometimes is necessary but not everyday. In this big house I'm living in, there are sounds of silence. I could hear the fan spinning, the wind outside of my windows blowing, the clothes that I hung outside flapping with the wind and the sound of the keyboard while I am typing.

I wanted to know. Since when I became like this? I was never afraid of loneliness. I was always happy in front of other people. I am always cheerful. Now, just for now, let me be sad and emotional for once. Let me indulge in the nice smell of wine and drunk myself. After today, I have to constantly tell myself, Let it Be, Let It Be. Wow. I suddenly thought that Beatles's songs were very inspiring.

Does everyone who likes someone feels pain when they meet someone they liked being with someone else? I don't know what that feels.

Enough of my emotional side. I really am grateful for those who patiently am reading this. That's all for now.

Cheerios,
YiXin Ching